he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
