Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
