I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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