I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
