Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just had sex on a roof
I am one with the molecules
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
