I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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