distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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