i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
