then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
