Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
