idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
