Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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