Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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