she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
