two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
