I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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