dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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