ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
