Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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