hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I would ride that face into the sunset
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
