maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
is wine microwaveable?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just had sex on a roof
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
