He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
