on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
