please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
