Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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