Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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