your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
