I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
