I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
