I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
