So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
