What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
