I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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