Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
How's work?
Spinning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
