My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
