just tell him i said nine months
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
