Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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