I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
