the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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