I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
