i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i would punch a child for taco bell
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
