Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
