a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize