Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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