either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
