the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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