So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
