Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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