Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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