After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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